jisoos christ calm the fukc down
moai has created a groupchat!
moai has added m.suj, mimims, pjs and park-minho.
moai has changed m.suj's name to bbhmm.
moai has changed mimims's name to princess.
moai has changed pjs's name to nohomo.
moai has changed park-minho's name to dimple-kun.[groupchat:
uwus]
moai: sup hoes welcome to my queendom
nohomo has left the chat.
moai has added nohomo.moai: NOT IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING SALAD
bbhmm: hi ai can you like
bbhmm: calm the fcuk down
moai: :(
moai: sips_nervously.jpg
nohomo: i feel attacked let me go
moai: never
nohomo: what do you want
moai: i actually need your help
moai: i wanna break up w jimin but
moai: hes so soft i dont wanna hurt him :(
bbhmm: i do not give a flying fucking fuck
dimple-kun: MIND YOUR FUCKING LANGUAGE
moai: mooooom uwu help me out will yaaa
dimple-kun: no
bbhmm: @dimple fuck fuk fuckfu fkuc
dimple-kun: im going to murder you in front of your dog
bbhmm: run.mp3
princess: iS THAT BTS
bbhmm: no it's not go away
princess: :(
moai: SHUT UP CAN WE FOCUS ON STG IMPORTANT
moai: IM TALKING ABOUT MYSELF
princess: aiiii<3333 wassup lollipop ho u doin
moai: mimi my lub im suffering
nohomo: gross
moai: it mEAnS LOVE
nohomo: ik
bbhmm: i just texted jimin
bbhmm: screenshot.jpg
moai: yoU
moai: DID NOT
moai: MUM SUJIS BULLYING MY BOOFYDIREND
bbhmm: hes not anymore
moai: ihu ur ruining my lub life
nohomo: gross
[private chat with:
pjs]
moai: bro
pjs: what
moai: can u like pretend to be my bf
pjs: k
moai: wow rly????
pjs: yeah im why not its not like i have a fucking gf
moai: ...........ig things arent going so well w susu
pjs: suddenly i cant read
moai: uwu lemme lub u
pjs: you are
pjs: fucking gross
moai: JISOOS CHRIST CAN U NOT BE SO FUCKGI NASTY
pjs: SOTP USING MY NAME LIKE ITS A MEME
moai: BUT IT IS
you have been blocked by pjs.[private chat with:
m.suj]
moai: JISOO BLOCKED ME
m.suj: do i look like i care
moai: k rude.
moai: anyway im comin n bringing ICE CREAM
m.suj: no go away
moai: come ooooon we'll watch powerpuff girlzzzzz :(((
m.suj: ....
m.suj: mint & chocolate chips.
moai: YAY ILL BE THERE IN 15
[private chat with:
mimims]
moai: MIMIIII :((((
moai: i made a mistake
mimims: <33333 its ok lub wat happened
moai: aww<333 thanks bab u so cute
moai: so i might have uh
moai: caused aaaaa teeny tiny fight between suji n jisoo :c
mimims: moon ai did you ruin my otp.
moai: DONT BE MAD HUN I SWEAT I WASNT DOIN IT ON PURPOSE
mimims: ill allow u to elaborate
moai: k so ukno i need a new bf cuz im single n sad n sad backwards is das
moai: n das is not gud
mimims: ur wasting my time lollipop
moai: ikr
moai: anyway i
moai: askd jisoo cuz hes sweet n lowkey gorgeous yakno
mimims: i dont like where this is goin
moai: y im surryyyyyyyyyyy
moai: so heres the thing: i think they were already fightin n i made it worse cuz then he blocked me (long n painful story nobody respects my religion)
mimims: w8 whats wrong w ur religion
moai: well..... i yelld JISOOS CHRIST n my joke was underrated
mimims: but that jokes awesome jisoos christll never die
moai: lmfao ikr
moai: but now im blockd n suji is bawlin in my arms w mint flavored ice cream all over her face
moai: is it bad that i wanna lick her clean
mimims: if you do that istg im gonna murder u n ur entire family in front of ur fucking dog
moai: oops
moai: anyway. what should i do
mimims: minho'd say to stfu n wait til they figure things out
mimims: but im clearly not minho so id say u take care of suji n im omw to jisoos
mimims: N DONT LICK HER FACE THAT IS ALL SORTS OF INAPPROPRIATE
moai: sob but she looks tasty tho :cccc
mimims: ai, don't
moai: k lmk when jisoos less constipated xo counting on u<333
mimims: kiss my lub next time ill let u lick my face clean
moai: oMG RLY
mimims: no i was joking
moai: ur name should be meanyeon not miyeon
mimims: ikr
i did a stupid
[groupchat:
uwus]
dimple-kun: wtf is up w my name
moai: MUUUUM WHERE U AT I WANNA CUDDLE
moai: ur name is<333 cuz i love ur dimple n stuff uwu
dimple-kun: why the kun tho do i look like a fucking chinese dude
moai: uH EXCUSE U ITS JAPANESE N /I/AM/ JAPANESE :(((
dimple-kun: excuse me but i literally do not give a single fuck
princess: /that/ is one (1) rude motherfucker
bbhmm: ill stop u right here being a bitch is my job now back tf off moanai is my punching ball
moai: n then a strange feeling of proudness washed over me.
princess: this is how bdsm relationships are built
nohomo: stfu my phone turned into a damn vibrator
moai: did u enjoy urself w it jisoo
nohomo: i did not
princess: (he did)
bbhmm: ok thats tmi i need bLEAHC TO CLEANSE MY EYEBALLS
princess: just cuz ur bf likes it vibrant doesnt mean he doesnt like u too hun
bbhmm: suddenly i cant read
dimple-kun: back to the topic (n no ai im not talkin bout u) how bout we reunite like normal groups of friends do
bbhmm:....
bbhmm: idk does it look like i enjoy ur company
moai: well u let me lick ur face clean
nohomo: /what/
princess: disappointed_but_not_surprised.jpg
dimple-kun: ?????????????
bbhmm: ai you are cancelled
moai: u cant cancel me were in the same household
bbhmm: no i can tell my mum to ignore her brother n then ill ignore u n ull be alone
moai: DONT SUJI ILYSM
bbhmm: no
dimple-kun: ill take that as a yes meetin up in front of my cousin's coffee shop in two hours if one is late then one shall treat everyone
moai: i heard jisoo runnin in the distance
nohomo: dont talk to me im allergic to stupidity
moai: WELL IM ALLERGIC TO UGLINESS N UR ONE NASTY ASSHOLE
princess: sigh
we die like men
[calling:
m.suj]
hey ai why are you callin' me aren't you home?no hun i'm out and kinda freezing haha so what's up?
girl it's like four in the fucking morning why are you awake and moreover out???well i couldn't sleep so i called jimin and we talked and kinda fucked and now i'm regretting my life decisions 'cause i'm alone at four in the morning........
oh really now? dm me your position i'll come and get you are you wearing a jacket at least?no his jackets weren't pretty enough for my dress sis i'd rather be cold than ugly
see this is why i exist: to prevent you from freezing to death just 'cause you don't want to mismatch your bloody outfitsyeah yeah i know i love you hun, hurry up please!! i'll hang up my fingers are fucking cold, i've sent you my positioooon kissy kissy!!!!
[later that night, around 5am]
[private chat:
m.suj and
park-minho]
m.suj: i think ai is not ok
m.suj: i went out to bring her back n she was like
m.suj: really dizzy n stuff, i think she??? was fucking high dude her eyes were bloodshot asf
m.suj: im kinda worried i dmed jimin cuz she said she was w him but he told me he hadnt seen her since their breakup
m.suj: idk what shes doin its like th third time in a row that she goes out n comes back around 4am except this time i had to go n get her
m.suj: could u like,,,, talk to her?? i dont think shed tell me, she prolly thinks id tell her parents cuz of kyun, ukno
m.suj: anyway ill take cake of her but pls speak to her asap
[seen: 10:34am]
park-minho: wtf
park-minho: k ill talk to her dw
park-minho: hope u slept tho
denial.mp3
[private chat with:
park-minho]
park-minho: hi cuddlebug how u doin
moai: !!!! MUM UR TALKIN TO ME
moai: IN PRIVATE
moai: wow im sweatin its been ages<333 im doin fiiine well hungover af but whats new uwu hbu
park-minho: haha yesss im talkin to uuuu
park-minho: im ok dw
park-minho: hungover?? where were u yesterday???
moai: awww i was w jimins friend i think
moai: i called jimin but his roomate stole his phone n idk he offered some funnnn
moai: n i said yes cuz jimin was depressing n i cant be depressed i dont have that kind of time
moai: so i met w him (his names... stg w woo inside i think) n it was kinda shady ukno like a dark alley n stuff LMAO that was funny
moai: why arent u talkin im lonely :((
park-minho: ur basically sayin that u met w someone u barely know in a fucking dark alley
park-minho: i didnt rase u to be such a careless child
moai: listen here me out
moai: i was alreayd high
park-minho: what.
moai: i mean
moai: high on boredom....
park-minho: ^^ yeh right
park-minho: what happened next
moai: dont be madddd
moai: i dont rly remember???? i mean i was just rly happy up til 4am
moai: cuz then i was alone n my dress was kinda ripped
moai: n i know what youre thinking but no i wasnt raped ok
moai: we just talked i think n he was sweet n his lips were sweet too ukno sighs
moai: i was lonely and bored i didnt rly think twice so dont scold me suji already ripped off her hair when i called her
park-minho: ...
park-minho: u wanna sleep over?
park-minho: if youre bored you can come here idm
moai: youll cuddle me????
park-minho: ofc what kind of mother doesnt cuddle w her child
moai: <333333 ILL COME ill bring takeout!!! is fried chicken ok for u
park-minho: yeh dw, hmu when u leave so i clean the place up
moai: ok!!! ur the beeeest ily<333
[private chat:
park-minho and
m.suj]
park-minho: k so she was w jimins roomate
park-minho: screenshot.jpg
park-minho: call jisoo n go look for him idk what he did to her n what he gave her but
park-minho: im gonna chop his dick off if it went anywhere near my baby
m.suj: k ill make him confess :)
m.suj: ill tell jimin too
m.suj: sighs your /baby/ is a fucking piece of dumb shit i hope youre aware of that
park-minho: painfully so
park-minho: lmk how it goes
family portrait
[private chat with:
moon.kiko]
moai: mom
moai: i wanna go n see kyun please
moon.kiko: We talked about it sweetheart. You can't, it would not do any good for you and your father.
moai: ???? do i look like i care
moai: i wanna see my fucking brother why can't anyone understand that
moon.kiko: Moon Ai, I would prefer like you to mind your language. I do not want to elaborate any further. You will not see him, do you understand me?
moai: sighs
moai: k, bye
[groupchat:
uwus]
moai: im in urgent need of a kiss n a cuddle rn pls
princess: <3333 omw
moai: ty bab u the best
dimple-kun: whats happening?
moai: i asked my mum (the ugly one, not u) if i could go n see kyun n she refused cuz itd be bad for her image
moai: there isnt picture of him anymore at home
moai: im not even sure if i,,,, remember how he looks like
moai: hes getting out in like
moai: two years
moai: ill be 17 by then n if i dont see him until then i think ill, like
moai: snap
nohomo: if you keep your mouth shut n accept to wear a raincoat or a mask or idfk
nohomo: ill smuggle u
moai: no dude my moms watching like every step i make n im starting to think that shell know if i just like
moai: take a shit in the restroom
moai: the only moment im free is in the middle of the fucking night
moai: n the jails locked at these unholy hours sigh
bbhmm: im coming too, come yall well cuddle ai in her bed
dimple-kun: k ill be there in 10
nohomo: pick me up minho
princess: GUYZ UR MAKIN HER CRY LMAO
princess: how can she be pretty when shes bawling n stuff
princess: that is. so fucking unfair i look like smashed potatoes when i cry n she looks like some kind of nymph
moai: shut up u look like an angel when u cry its so sad but pretty all the same
moai: minho dont hate me but i sneezed on ur jacket
princess: i sacrificed it i like my outfit too much im not even sorry
_____
[private chat with:
h.jimin]
moai: can we like,, talk
moai: i feel like ive lost stg
moai: n i think its u
h.jimin: ai are you fukcing high again
h.jimin: i cant do this shit anymore
h.jimin: are you home?
moai: no ur friend picked me upppp n hes introduced me to his other friends
moai: but theyre gross
moai: you, youre beautiful
moai: why did i broke up w you??
h.jimin: cuz u found someone more beautiful n cuz ur... like this sigh
h.jimin: anyway where are you? im coming to get you
moai: i dont need to be rescued im wonderwoman
moai: say
moai: why are they called buildings when theyre already built
h.jimin: ai istg if you dont tell me where u at im gonna call ur mom
moai: PARTYPOOPER
moai: immm lost in neverland
moai: i think theres a pirate ship just above me
h.jimin: k im comin
moai: YOURE PETER PAN N IM TINKERBELL
moai: plejase sodnt find a wnedy
h.jimin: ai please pick up your phone i dont understand what ur sayin
h.jimin: ai???